A Standard for Marriage

Mark 10:2-12

The Lord Jesus is asked by the Pharisees whether or not it is lawful for a man to divorce his wife. They were trying to trap Him, no doubt in a point of religious controversy. Ironically enough, this issue is again of great controversy among we who follow Christ. The Pharisees cited Moses’ law, which gave room for divorce, mainly on the grounds of “indecency” (see Deut 24:1). But Jesus took it back to God’s original design at creation. His remark, which is so often quoted, is this: “What God therefore has joined together let no man separate” (v. 9).

Jesus points out that it is God who brings a man and a woman together in marriage, and God who seals the union between them. Jesus gives a clear endorsement for the sanctity of marriage. He tells the Pharisees that Moses gave the concession due to “your hardness of heart” (v. 5). It seems Jesus is stating the hard line that divorce on the basis of mere dislike or disinterest is not a viable option. Indeed, hardness of heart diffuses a union of love, and here is where husbands and wives can take caution. Before the Lord, each of us must continue to seek and pray for a heart that is warm toward our spouse, and there is much to be explored for the ways and means to pursue this end.

However, this formula doesn’t always work, because both parties must be willing. So often we see one party not willing to keep a warm heart to the other, and the pain of divorce becomes a reality. Many of us could probably name at least a handful of friends or acquaintances or relatives who have been hurt in this way. As we consider this, it does not seem hard to understand why the God who loves us deeply and intimately hates divorce , due to the wounds it produces.

How do we as Christ’s followers handle this issue, which is still latent with so much controversy? It seems that there is no easy answer. I do think it interesting to note Christ’s example – He both preached the high standard of God, as well as lived in a response of grace to those affected by violations of that union. In His interaction with the woman at the well, He spoke truth to her about her past, yet also ministered to her deepest need for satisfaction and healing. Also, when facing the woman caught in adultery , Jesus’ words to her were this: “I do not condemn you either. Go. From now on sin no more” (John 8:11). He addressed the sin issue, but also extended grace and forgiveness.

As Christ’s church, how do we walk the line between the standard and grace?

From Christ’s own life, it seems as though we must honor marriage and strive for spouses to stay warm toward one another, yet also be willing to embrace in love those who have found themselves caught in the snares of divorce.

The Lord’s standard for marriage is high, as is His standard for all other areas of life. However, as in all other areas, we uphold His standard only by His power graciously imparted to us; when we fail, we fall on His mighty arms of grace. And often, we as His Body must be those very arms to one another.

But there is more to this issue, especially as real life intervenes. How does the Church walk this line? I’d love to hear your thoughts…